


Limes 2kForever

by emullz



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-24 12:51:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13214145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emullz/pseuds/emullz
Summary: Sirius Black to LIMES 2kFOREVER: james just left the house and when i asked him where he was going he saidSirius Black: AND I QUOTESirius Black: lily’sDorcas Meadowes: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!an au in which lily, james, and their meddling friends do nothing but send angry texts





	Limes 2kForever

**Author's Note:**

> so this is a modern texting au with some formatting that i consider very snazzy but i hope is easy to follow. pls let me know if its not, and i will do my best to fix it. also, small warning: there's a fair bit of cursing in this, and some sex talk, but nothing explicit and nothing steamy. it reads like a bunch of screenshotted text messages your friends sent you, i hope. 
> 
> other than that i hope that you like it!!! let me know!

_Sirius Black_ to _boi fuck:_

no more milk

 

_James Potter:_ go out and buy some u fucking sloth

 

_Sirius Black:_ ur sitting on the couch next to me why cant u go

 

_Peter Pettigrew:_ i am in a meeting?????? 

 

_James Potter:_ i’m not getting u milk bc i hate the way u live ur life

 

_James Potter:_ learn to drink water

 

_Sirius Black:_ its like u WANT my bones to turn to dust 

 

_Peter Pettigrew:_ I’m IN A MEETING????

 

_Sirius Black:_ idc about a 4pm staff meeting at the fucking aquarium pete. 

 

_Remus Lupin changed the conversation to: milkless losers_

 

_Sirius Black:_ i resent that

 

_Remus Lupin_ : But you can’t say it’s not true

 

* * *

_Sirius Black_ to _that ginger one_ : 

no more milk

 

_Lily Evans:_ and?

 

_Sirius Black:_ i want milk

 

_Lily Evans:_ go get some then

 

_Sirius Black:_ no

 

_Lily Evans:_ why cant james do it you live in the same house

 

_Sirius Black:_ he wont

 

_Sirius Black:_ can you do it

 

_Lily Evans_ : i can castrate you slowly and painfully

 

_Sirius Black:_ i’ll take that as a no

 

_Lily Evans:_ smart choice

 

* * *

_Sirius Black_ to _gal pals_ : 

hello ladies!!

 

_Marlene McKinnon:_ None of us are buying you milk we don’t even live with you

 

_Sirius Black:_ howd u know i was going to ask that

 

_Sirius Black:_ do u have another ladies group chat w/o me

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ I hate to break it to you love but we do have issues that don’t concern you

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ also,,, u have a dick

 

_Sirius Black:_ i have never been so hurt and betrayed

 

_Lily Evans:_ by the milkless situation or the fact that we talk to each other without you knowing?

 

_Sirius Black:_ both

 

_Sirius Black:_ fuck all of you

 

_Marlene McKinnon:_ I have non-dairy creamer you could drink that if you want??????

 

_Sirius Black:_ fuck you in particular

 

_Mary MacDonald changed the conversation to: coffeemate mates_

 

_Sirius Black has left the conversation_

 

* * *

 

_Peter Pettigrew_ to _your friendly neighborhood cult:_

We have history right now, don’t we?

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ We have history at the same time every day Pete

 

_Peter Pettigrew:_ Is being on the phone with my mother a good enough excuse for skipping

 

_James Potter:_  goddamnit

 

_James Potter:_ were u actually calling ur mother

 

_James Potter:_ that’s the lamest excuse for ditching like ever

 

_Peter Pettigrew:_ She needed to know which color grapes I wanted from the store

 

_Lily Evans:_ if you wanted grapes so badly should’ve asked sirius i have it on good authority he’s got wine in his locker

 

_Sirius Black_ : prongs i told u to keep it on the dl

 

_James Potter_ : i wanted to get wine drunk and evans just happened to be around its not my fault 

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ “just happened to be around”

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ good one

 

_James Potter:_ i think were forgetting the most important question here: pete, what type of grapes did ur mother buy u????

 

_Peter Pettigrew:_ Green

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ ew

 

* * *

 

_Lily Evans_ to _Ronald MacDonald_ : 

“just happened to be around”???

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ poor innocent soul

 

_Lily Evans:_ ?????????????

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

_Lily Evans:_ seriously what did you mean by that

 

_Lily Evans:_ does everyone think we’re like

 

_Lily Evans:_ a package deal

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ POOR INNOCENT SOUL

 

_Lily Evans:_ what are you even saying

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ they think u fuck in the supply closet between lessons so if that’s what u mean by “package deal” then yes

 

_Lily Evans:_ we were in the supply closet ONE TIME and it was YOUR FAULT 

 

_Lily Evans:_ NOTHING HAPPENED

 

_Mary MacDonald_ : ok sure

 

* * *

_James Potter_ to _Mary Queen of Bullshit:_

why did u put quotes

 

_James Potter:_ “just happened to be around”

 

_James Potter:_ am i missing something?? 

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ omg

 

_James Potter:_ what

 

_James Potter:_ mary

 

_James Potter:_ WHAT

 

_James Potter_ : U CAN’T JUST SAY THAT AND NOT RESPOND

 

_James Potter:_ i hate u 

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ good.

 

* * *

_Lily Evans_ to _dorkass_ : 

party tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ Don’t act like you’re going to go to it.

 

_Lily Evans:_ ok wow 

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ Don’t you dare mention Benjy Fenwick’s party

 

_Lily Evans:_ i’ll have you know that one time i went to benjy fenwicks party 

 

_Lily Evans_ : well fine then i guess you have a point

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ So did you tell me because you’re going to this one?

 

_Lily Evans:_ i was thinking i might????

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ CAUSE FOR CELEBRATION

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ LET ME CALL MARLENE

 

_Lily Evans:_ pls don’t

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ Why this party? Who’s even throwing this party? 

 

_Lily Evans:_ no reason

 

_Lily Evans:_ i just feel like… going out you know

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ You horrible liar

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ I called Marlene and she exposed you

 

_Lily Evans:_ expose me of what

 

_Lily Evans:_ i cannot possibly imagine what i would have lied about

 

_Lily Evans:_ i am as pure as they come

 

_Dorcas Meadowes_ : Not for long if we go to this party that JAMES AND SIRIUS ARE THROWING IN JAMES’ MUM’S HOUSE

 

_Lily Evans:_ i literally hate you

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ I’m so happy we’re going to this party

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ I’m going to call Marlene again

 

_Lily Evans:_ i regret ever texting you about this

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ Don’t blame me you’re the one who started the conversation

 

_Lily Evans:_ i don’t have to be right i just have to be angry

 

* * *

_Sirius Black_ to _that tosser_ : 

we are throwing a party tonight

 

_James Potter:_ please tell me ur lying 

 

_James Potter:_ or at least haven’t invited anyone yet

 

_Sirius Black:_ by anyone do u mean our entire year

 

_James Potter:_ please no

 

_Sirius Black:_ oops

 

_Sirius Black:_ ur mum said she was going out

 

_James Potter:_ and then my dad caught a cold and she started making soup

 

_James Potter:_ unless we draw green spots all over him and she takes him to hospital we’ve got company all night

 

_Sirius Black:_ we can still have a party tho?? theyre deaf

 

_James Potter:_ u are way to liberal with your definition of “deaf”

 

_Sirius Black:_ they live in the attic

 

_Sirius Black:_ i have sex in the basement all the time and they never say anything about it

 

_James Potter:_ a party with everyone in our year is louder than sex

 

_Sirius Black:_ the sex i’m having in ur house is not quiet

 

_Sirius Black:_ u have rich ppl insulation in ur mcmansion

 

_Sirius Black:_ ;)

 

_James Potter:_ i fucking hate you

 

* * *

_James Potter_ to _the gr8st:_

i’m assuming you’ve all heard about the party being thrown in my house without my knowledge tonight

 

_Marlene McKinnon:_ Wow it makes me SO happy that you didn’t know about this

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ Time to drink the Potters expensive booze! Woo

 

_Peter Pettigrew:_ Haha get rekt

 

_James Potter:_ loving all the support

 

_James Potter:_ i cant cancel it bc sirius already bought alc so i uninvited all of the people in our year that i don’t like (aka all of them except for like 20 ppl). please don’t bring any friends with u unless ur planning to leave my property when you hook up with them

 

_James Potter:_ my parents will be in the attic, they are ill, and i don’t want to bother them

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ Throwing a party when your parents are ill is cold

 

_James Potter:_ it wasn’t my idea, blame padfoot

 

_Sirius Black:_ blame nobody but urself for having a huge fucking house and never using it for stuff

 

_James Potter:_ THIS HOUSE BELONGS TO MY PARENTS I AM JUST LIVING IN IT

 

_Lily Evans:_ i thought you only live “in the moment”

 

_Marlene McKinnon:_ ^^^

 

_James Potter:_ THAT WAS A PHASE AND I RESENT YOU FOR BRINGING IT UP

 

_Remus Lupin:_ Dude chill all these capital letters are hurting my eyes

 

_Sirius Black:_ weak bby

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ Can I bring Alissa if we promise to only make out in her car?

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ Which is a BMW, by the way

 

_Lily Evans:_ proud of you babe

 

_Marlene McKinnon:_ YOU BIG SLUT GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!

 

_James Potter:_ pls see aforementioned request

 

_Sirius Black:_ and use contraception;)

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ Since neither of us have dicks we’re usually good, but thanks for the reminder

 

_Sirius Black:_ ugh jealous

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ Of her BMW or of the fact that we don’t have to pay for condoms?

 

_Sirius Black:_ both

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ sry just got here: potters @9?????

 

_James Potter:_ ugh i guess

 

_Sirius Black:_ i’ll bring condoms just in case any of u get less lame 

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ or in case of limes

 

_Marlene McKinnon:_ <3

 

_Lily Evans:_ is that something i want to know about???

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ too gross for ur poor innocent soul

 

_Peter Pettigrew:_ If you guys don’t shut up I’m going to get a detention

 

_Sirius Black:_ F

 

_Sirius Black:_ U

 

_Sirius Black:_ C

 

_Sirius Black:_ K

 

_Sirius Black:_ Y

 

_Sirius Black:_ O

 

_Sirius Black:_ U

 

_Peter Pettigrew:_ Hello, this is Mr. Pettigrew’s Professor speaking. He has received a detention and had his phone confiscated, so he will not be able to answer any of your texts until the end of the day. 

 

_Peter Pettigrew:_ I would also like to say that although Mr. Pettigrew has not told me whose contact name is “Joking White,” when I find out, he or she will be receiving a detention as well.

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ Are you kidding me I drove him in now I have to wait until 5 to leave

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ You’re dead, Sirius

 

_Peter Pettigrew:_ See you at 3:30, Mr. Black

 

_Sirius Black:_ dorcas are u fucking kidding me

 

_Lily Evans:_ omg

 

_Remus:_ Maybe we should switch to a chat where Peter’s professor can’t read everything we’re saying? 

 

_Marlene McKinnon changed the conversation to: free sirius black_

 

_Mary MacDonald changed the conversation to: sirius black did this to himself and deserves no support_

 

_Sirius Black_ : remind me to write u out of my will, macdonald

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ i dont want ur dirty money

 

_James Potter:_ why am i friends with ANY OF U

 

_Remus Lupin:_ That’s something I ask myself every day

 

_Sirius Black:_ :(

 

* * *

_Sirius Black_ to _LIMES 2kFOREVER:_

way to almost give up our plan mary

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ the whole reason were doing this is bc their heads are up their asses so ummmmmmm y would we assume that they would pick up on anything were talking about

 

_Marlene McKinnon:_ You know how much i hate to admit this but Marys right

 

_Sirius Black:_ so whats our game plan for tonight

 

_Sirius Black:_ get them drunk and then force a love confession???

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ That’s creepy can we please not be creepy about this and get them both to admit their love when they’re sober enough to consent

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ yes i know that it would be nice for them to be sober and in love but then again like,,, lily is a sappy motherfucker 3 drinks in and yet she never blacks so if we get her to admit it to herself and maybe even tell james we r in BUSINESS

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ but yeah!!!!! no extra bases until they r consenting adults

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ Safe and consensual sloppy makeouts only.

 

_Sirius Black:_ this is the most feminist conversation i’ve ever been a part of

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ It’s not feminist it’s basic human decency

 

_Remus Lupin:_ When in doubt, just assume that feminism=basic human decency

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ Remus will you marry me

 

_Remus Lupin:_ Only if you take my name

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ Aw you ruined it

 

_Sirius Black:_ heteronormative bullshit

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ return ur leather jacket!!!!!!! by showing that u care about ppl u have revoked ur Bad Boy™ status

 

_Remus Lupin:_ Did he ever have it in the first place?

 

* * *

 

_Lily Evans_ to _Lames Potter:_

i know you said we shouldn’t come until 9 but can i come early

 

_James Potter:_ yeah ofc

 

_James Potter:_ whats up?

 

_Lily Evans:_ my sister 

 

_James Potter:_ say no more

 

_Lily Evans:_ you’re the best, see you in 20

 

_James Potter:_ will i survive those lonely 20 minutes??? only time will tell

 

_Lily Evans:_ you’re being nice don’t ruin it

 

* * *

_Mary MacDonald_ to _Daisy_ _Chrysanthemum_ _Rose Delphinium Evans:_

hey loser tell me im not at ur house for no reason

 

_Lily Evans:_ shit 

 

_Lily Evans:_ i’m so sorry, i went early because the walrus came for dinner 

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ sure,,,, thats why

 

_Lily Evans:_ for once in your life don’t be an asshole about this

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ cant talk im driving

 

* * *

_Mary MacDonald_ to _LIMES 2kFOREVER:_

hi big news lily is already w james at his house

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ and she's not supposed to be for 30mins

 

_Sirius Black:_ she’s here???? im here how did i not know abt this

 

_Remus Lupin:_ You’re doing your hair aren’t you

 

_Sirius Black:_ no

 

_Remus Lupin:_ ……..

 

_Sirius Black:_ ok yes

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ i was supposed to pick her up and when i got there her mom said she left 2hrs ago

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ If Alissa wasn’t driving I’d crash the car over this news

 

_Sirius Black:_ brag about ur girlfriend one more time

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ stacey grimes, kara clifton, davy anderson, hannah taft, frank geiger

 

_Sirius Black:_ what do my exes have to do with any of this

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ u dated all of them for less than a week and i know ALL OF THEIR NAMES

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ leave dorcas alone

 

_Marlene McKinnon:_ I’m outside potter’s house but should i wait to go in? In case of Important Developments?

 

_Sirius Black:_ are u saying they would allow Important Developments to happen w me in the house

 

_Sirius Black:_ rude

 

_Sirius Black:_ ok i heard ur knock im getting the door

 

* * *

_Mary MacDonald_ to _COOTIE FREE ZONE:_

1 video attachment

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ hahahahhhaha

 

_Marlene McKinnon:_ Why is she crying??

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ u have to watch until the end with the sound up

 

_Marlene McKinnon:_ I can’t i’m on the couch with the boys

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ she wants to touch his hair and she can't

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ This is the most depressing video I’ve ever seen

 

_Marlene McKinnon:_ Get the girl a tissue

 

_Lily Evans:_ no this is soi rude icant beleive you sent this 

 

_Lily Evans:_ i said ir was a sevret 

 

_Marlene McKinnon:_ Why is she so gone so early?

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ walrus incident

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ I hear throwing up is it Lily?

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ ew yes

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ shes fine now tho. nobody bounces back like lily evans

 

* * *

_James Potter_ to _we’re not on a first name basis evans:_

hey 

 

_James Potter:_ ily

 

_Lily Evans:_ oh

 

_Lily Evans:_ i kind of fancy u too

 

_Lily Evans:_ if thats what you were trying to say

 

_James Potter:_ *lily

 

_Lily Evans:_ fuck

 

* * *

_James Potter_ to _tru rowdy bois:_

i fucked up

 

_James Potter:_ i fucked up so bad

 

_Remus Lupin:_ Life or death?

 

_James Potter:_ im not dying of physical wounds if thats what ur asking

 

_James Potter:_ i might die of emotional ones though

 

_Remus Lupin:_ Wow dramatic

 

_James Potter:_ u would be dramatic too if u did this!!!

 

_James Potter:_ 1 photo attachment

 

_Sirius Black:_ wow u fucked up

 

_Remus Lupin:_ Well are you gonna text her back?

 

_Peter Pettigrew:_ Haha get rektttt

 

_Remus Lupin:_ Sorry about Pete I won 5/5 games of beer pong he’s down for the count 

 

_Remus Lupin:_ My question still stands though are you going to text her back

 

_James Potter:_ what the fuck do i say

 

_Sirius Black:_ that u want to marry her and have her babies:)

 

_Sirius Black:_ (the smiley face is important)

 

_James Potter:_ i’m not saying that

 

_Sirius Black:_ why not u said it to me this morning

 

_James Potter:_ remus??????

 

_Remus Lupin:_ Tell the truth, I guess

 

_James Potter:_ dude wtf no

 

_James Potter:_ all of u suck

 

_Peter Pettigrew:_ No youi suck!!!¡

 

_James Potter changed the conversation to: fake rowdy bois_

 

_James Potter:_ thats for giving me shit advice in my time of need

 

* * *

_Mary MacDonald_ to _Life’s Eternal Sunshine:_

come quick we have a situation

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ Kinda busy rn

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ limes emergency

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ tears and snot are abundant

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ bring marlene with u

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ Ok coming

 

* * *

_Dorcas Meadowes_ to _Marlene Griggs-Knope:_

Limes emergency. Drunk, crying, etc.

 

_Marlene McKinnon:_ Where?

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ Second floor bathroom

 

* * *

_Lily Evans_ to _Remus!!!!!!!!:_

i don’t know if you know about last night but i think you do

 

_Lily Evans:_ and i need you to tell me what happened because i was not even a little bit sober so i couldn’t talk to james about it

 

_Lily Evans:_ and i’m not saying i’m freaked out but i’m not calm about it either

 

_Remus Lupin:_ The typing was a genuine mistake

 

_Lily Evans:_ oh no

 

_Remus Lupin:_ But I think you’re okay

 

_Remus Lupin:_ I don’t think you need to freak out

 

_Lily Evans:_ why not

 

_Remus Lupin:_ Just trust me

 

_Lily Evans:_ ugh ok

 

* * *

_James Potter_ to _we’re not on a first name basis evans:_

hi so i have some explaining to do

 

_Lily Evans:_ not really

 

_Lily Evans:_ i mean it was a typo i’m the one who made it a big deal

 

_James Potter:_ it might have been a subconscious typo??

 

_Lily Evans:_ ???

 

_James Potter:_ i think my thumbs were trying to tell my brain something

 

_Lily Evans:_ tell your brain what

 

_James Potter_ : to get my head out of my ass and tell u that i’ve fancied u for like

 

_James Potter:_ ever

 

_Lily Evans:_ hey

 

_James Potter:_ yeah?

 

_Lily Evans:_ ily

 

_James Potter:_ very funny

 

_Lily Evans:_ no, i mean it

 

_Lily Evans:_ i’m at home and i’m very hungover but you should come anyways 

 

_James Potter:_ ok this feels too good to be true so i need u to give very clear confirmation

 

_Lily Evans:_ i like you a whole lot and i want you to come over to my house and kiss me

 

_James Potter:_ be there in 10

 

_Lily Evans:_ it’s a 20 minute drive

 

_James Potter:_ if u think im not speeding ur crazy

 

_Lily Evans:_ if you die in a car accident i’ll kill you

 

_James Potter:_ don’t text me i’m driving

 

_James Potter:_ here

 

_Lily Evans:_ come in my parents are out to brunch with my sister and the walrus

 

_James Potter:_ jesus i’m like a meme

 

_James Potter:_ “come over” “no” “my parents aren’t home” "ok"

 

_Lily Evans:_ come inside asshole

 

_James Potter:_ ok

 

* * *

_Sirius Black_ to _LIMES 2kFOREVER:_

james just left the house and when i asked him where he was going he said

 

_Sirius Black:_ AND I QUOTE

 

_Sirius Black:_ lily’s

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

_Marlene McKinnon:_ This could be a false alarm

 

_Remus Lupin:_ It’s not

 

_Marlene McKinnon:_ How do you know?

 

_Remus Lupin:_ Just trust me

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

_Sirius Black:_ we did it gang

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ oh great i can finally stop talking to u idiots

 

_Mary MacDonald has left the conversation_

 

_Sirius Black added Mary MacDonald to the conversation_

 

_Sirius Black:_ fuck u macdonald celebrate with us like a normal human

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ dont ruin my grand exit

 

_Peter Pettigrew:_ shhh 

 

_Marlene McKinnon:_ Just put it on vibrate Pete we’re having a moment

 

_Remus Lupin:_ A really great moment I’m so proud of us

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

_Marlene McKinnon changed the conversation to LIMES IS REAL_

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ fine i will grudgingly admit that i am happy for our two idiot best friends and their consenting adult relationship

 

_Sirius Black:_ atta girl

 

* * *

_Sirius Black_ to _real bois:_

no more milk

 

_James Potter:_ not this again

 

_James Potter:_ please

 

_Sirius Black:_ im fucking thirsty u asshole

 

_James Potter:_ i’m not getting u milk 

 

_Sirius Black:_ u got a girlfriend and u CHANGED

 

_Sirius Black changed the conversation to JAMES IS NOT A BOI_

 

_Remus Lupin changed the conversation to still milkless losers_

 

_Sirius Black:_ shut up moony ur not even in the conversation

 

_Remus Lupin:_ Its a group chat dumbass

 

_Sirius Black:_ i resent that tone

 

_James Potter:_ i resent ur birth

 

_Peter Pettigrew:_ I’m in a meeting so I rly can’t talk but that deserves a high five

 

_James Potter:_ thank u pete

 

_Sirius Black:_ all this chitchat isn’t gonna fill my glass

 

_James Potter:_ neither am i

 

_James Potter:_ go get ur own milk

 

_Sirius Black:_ im gonna tell euphemia ur home and u wont go out and get more milk

 

_James Potter:_ im at lily’s

 

_Sirius Black:_ u CHANGED

 

* * *

_Sirius Black_ to _the harlot who stole my man:_

no more milk

 

_Lily Evans:_ and?

 

_Sirius Black:_ u stole my man the least u could do is get me some milk

 

_Lily Evans:_ i did steal your man

 

_Lily Evans:_ but i’m still not getting you any milk

 

_Sirius Black:_ i have never known betrayal of this magnitude

 

_Lily Evans:_ it builds character

 

_Sirius Black:_ i can steal him back

 

_Lily Evans:_ i’d like to see you try

 

_Sirius Black:_ yeah ur right

 

_Sirius Black:_ so no milk?

 

_Lily Evans:_ no milk.

 

_Sirius Black:_ :(

 

* * *

_Sirius Black changed the conversation to LIMES MUST BE DESTROYED_

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ dude nobody is getting u milk

 

_Sirius Black:_ but i’m so sad

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ fuck u

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ i’ll be at ur house with a gallon in 10

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ ur paying for my gas

 

_Sirius Black:_ ily

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ that better not be a line u piece of shit

 

_Sirius Black:_ *lily 

 

_Sirius Black:_ is a far worse friend than u

 

_Marlene McKinnon changed the conversation to MARIUS 2kFOREVER_

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ i fucking hate all of u

 

_Dorcas Meadowes:_ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

_Sirius Black:_ <3

 

_Sirius Black:_ my heart pines for u

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ i just dumped ur gallon of milk out of my car window

 

_Sirius Black:_ NOOOOOOOOOOO

 

_Remus Lupin:_ That’s cold

 

_Mary MacDonald:_ thanks

**Author's Note:**

> for reference: the characters that aren't explicitly in canon as themselves are marlene, mary, and dorcas but they're all mentioned in this era so i figured it was chill to just throw them in. if you want to know more about their specific characterization, i've been writing another marauders fic called "but let us first do," and they're the same characters in that fic as they are in this one. that one's just longer and more angsty and also set in hogwarts and not an unidentified muggle location
> 
> the bit where james means to type lily and types ily was inspired by a post by prongsno on tumblr, they have hilarious headcanons and u should look at their stuff
> 
> so, again, i really hope that you enjoyed reading this. i'd say it was a labor of love but it wasn't really, it was a product of me needing to be light and breezy and fun and ending up with this. (sirius does get his milk, i promise). hit me up with a comment, or i'm on tumblr w the same username if you wanna chat more. thanks for reading!


End file.
